


now thats what i call friendship

by missmedda



Series: veggietale facts [1]
Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, F/M, M/M, Texting, also they r all happy bc fck the ending of bare, just thought i should mention that, mostly them talking about memes and cracking jokes, oh nadia and ivy are both bi, peter and jason r happy n out bc i said so, soo like everyone is still in their last year, yes i made another gc fic but like ???? bare deserves one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmedda/pseuds/missmedda
Summary: tanya:we're all foolslucas:once a fool always a foolnadia:can't ever evolve from being a foollucas:i'm kin with being a dumbass





	1. a for effort!

_[peter added jason, ivy, nadia, and lucas to 'sup heteros']_

**nadia:** what the fuck did u just call me

 **peter:** hi i thought we could use a gc 

 **ivy:** you didn't add matt

 **peter:** lol

 **ivy:** wow

_[ivy added matt]_

**matt:** what is this and why am i in it

 **jason:** sup hetero

 **peter:** yes

 **lucas:** whats up fidget spinners

 **nadia:** oh man yall lucas has to die 

 **jason:** rip it was nice knowing him

 **ivy:** nadia murder is bad

 **nadia:** ya ok fidget spinner

 **ivy:** actually on second thought

 **matt:** guys perhaps lets not talk about killing each other??

 **peter:** they're bonding leave them alone!!

 **lucas:** peter is like the cool stay @ home mom and matt is the workaholic catholic dad

 **jason:** does that mean im having an affair with matt's wife

 **peter:** huh interesting

 **matt:** w o w 

 **ivy:** ????????? no

 **nadia:** while thats an interesting thought id rather not think about that ever again in my whole life

 **lucas:** i respect that i mean not everyone can accept the truth

 **peter:** funny how i made this gc but now i regret it

 **jason:** sometimes... gcs made... are worse

 **nadia:** a for effort

 **matt:** affort isn't a word??

 **nadia:** i didnt say affort i said a for effort

 **jason:** the a is silent :////

 **matt:** you got me there

 **peter:** so guys whats the #Mood

 **ivy:** those pics of nicole kidman celebrating her divorce from tom cruise

 **lucas:** AGREE

 **jason:** wait i have a vid for a mood

 **nadia:** share w the class

**jason:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOsck7jYUsE>

**jason:** ur welcome

 **peter:** i want that goofy costume

 **jason:** its hot right

 **peter:** definitely

 **matt:** what the fuck

 **nadia:** shut up theyre gay and in love

 **peter:** hell yeah i am

 **ivy:** cute

 **lucas:** i want my life 2 b like ryan and shane's from buzzfeed unsolved

 **jason:** just... going around and hunting ghosts and talking abt murders

 **lucas:** duh

 **lucas:** i forgot u want that suburban white picket fence w a wife and dog life

 **jason:** lmao u and me both buddy

 **ivy:** y'all're messy

 **peter:** y'all're

 **ivy:** U DIDNT SAY ANYTHING WHEN NADIA SAID Y'ALL

 **jason:** y'all're

 **nadia:** y'all're

 **lucas:** y'all're

 **ivy:** shut up all of u

 **matt:** i didnt even say it

 **ivy:** except matt

 **matt:** y'all're

 **jason:** LMAO

 **ivy:** i dont deserve this im a good person


	2. i am god and i watch anime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where jason and peter are gay, ivy, nadia, and lucas get high, and matt just wants to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote ch2 right after ch1 and now im so tired im gnna sleep my life away unlike matt

_[2:31a_ _in 'sup heteros']_

 **ivy:** hey Losers

 **nadia:** heyo fucko

 **peter:** i love both of u hello

 **jason:** why dont i get greetings like that wtf

 **peter:** i love u w my whole being hello babe

 **nadia:** thats gay

 **peter:** im gay

 **nadia:** oh rly? 

 **peter:** nah

 **nadia:** hm

 **peter:** lol jk :^)))))))

 **nadia:** haha! nice u rly got me there!!!!

 **matt:** stop

 **peter:** stop what

 **matt:** texting im tired

 **peter:** n

 **peter:** o

 **jason:** put ur phone on dnd 

 **matt:** you put YOUR phone on dnd

 **jason:** no?

 **matt:** exactly 

 **ivy:** thats the spirit

 **lucas:** nadia come to the north stairwell lmao

 **nadia:** okay is ivy already there

 **ivy:** i am

 **nadia:** alr

 **jason:** are u guys gettin high

 **lucas:** do u even have to ask

 **jason:** well no but it felt polite to ask so i did

 **ivy:** jason!!! what are u doing

 **jason:** ivy!!! cuddling w peter

 **ivy:** aw thats cute

 **jason:** we watched lemonade mouth and now hes? asleep?? idk

 **peter:** no im not

 **jason:** hly shit

 **nadia:** speaking of sleep im gonna assume matt fell asleep

 **ivy:** yeah

 **lucas:** i amso high rn

 **peter:** i amso in love all the time

 **nadia:** me

 **jason:** wait what

 **nadia:** w my cello what did u think this was boy

 **jason:** oh lol

 **ivy:** mood but w art

 **jason:** mood but w my boyfriend

 **jason:** HE JUST HIT ME

 **lucas:** FOR WHAFYH

 **ivy:** tru luv  <3

 **nadia:** never send that heart again

 **ivy:** <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

 **nadia:** i have the power of god and anime on my side dont test me

 **lucas:** i am god and i watch anime

 **peter:** I DIDNT MEAN TO I JUST GOT EXCITED BC HE SAID HE LOVES ME

 **jason:** hey peter

 **lucas:** prepare those fists son

 **jason:** i love u

 **ivy:** did he do the Punch

 **jason:** no but he threw his phone

 **nadia:** too gay to function

 **ivy:** lmao me too 

 **matt:** i cant fucking fall asleep

 **peter:** hey matt are u having a good night

 **matt:** no i havent slept at all can you read

 **peter:** what up im peter im 18 and i never learned how 2 fuckin read

 **lucas:** theres an alternate universe where penguins can fly

 **ivy:** HOLY SHIT

 **jason:** imagine seeing a penguin fly in the sky ew

 **ivy:** DOES EW MEAN EXACTL YWONDERFUL

 **jason:** defintely

 **nadia:** theres an alternate universe where jason and i r both straight

 **jason:** yikes he sounds hideous 

 **peter:** thank god were not there lmao

 **matt:** theres an alternate universe where you all are asleep at 3:15am and dont blow up my phone w stupid texts like these

 **lucas:** too bad thats not this universe

 


	3. sexy pennywise costumes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where nadia and jason rediscover club penguin, peter and ivy go halloween costume shopping, lucas watches criminal minds, and matt has to go to a 12 year olds birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so... sorry this took so long homecoming was this weekend and im in marching band so ive had a lot of practices on top on meetings for clubs im in but luckily hoco is over now (if ur wondering i had a blast i got p fucked up afterwards but it b like that sometimes) anywho onto this chapter that ive had halfway written on my phone for this whole week Yikes

_[11:26a in 'sup heteros']_

**lucas:** is criminal minds a good show

 **ivy:** yes

 **lucas:** cool i now have plans today

 **ivy:** are u just gonna binge criminal minds all day

 **lucas:** yes

 **ivy:** have fun

 **ivy:** i need someone to come with me to buy a halloween costume

 **peter:** good morning friends

 **nadia:** what up i just found club penguin again i am a god

 **peter:** wasnt club penguin like stopped or smth ??

 **nadia:** yes but i found a site that has it 

 **peter:** nothing but respect for MY god

 **nadia:** im spending all day playing it

 **peter:** oh! ivy i can go w you 

 **ivy:** litty lit lit

 **jason:** technically nadia and i BOTH found it so were both gods

 **lucas:** i was a god on wednesday

 **lucas:** also the rly lanky kid on the bau team? matt

 **ivy:** hm okay i can see the comparison between spencer and matt in s1-3

 **matt:** i have to go to my 12 year old cousins bday party today life is tragic

 **jason:** do u sit at the big kids table

 **matt:** yes

 **jason:** oh

 **jason:** i just thought.. nvm

 **lucas:** me fuckin too jason

 **ivy:** peter be ready at like 12:15

 **peter:** i got u 

 **jason:** so my bro dudes whats the 411?

 **nadia:** shut up grandpa

 **jason:** were twins

 **lucas:** this show fills a void in my life i didnt know i had until now

 **ivy:** ok thats the mood!

 **jason:** club penguin is so fun

 **matt:** are u 10??

 **jason:** on a scale of 1-10 yes 

 **nadia:** listen up fives a ten is talking

 **ivy:** im at least a seven

 **nadia:** 6.83

 **ivy:** 7.1023

 **nadia:** yeah ok

 **ivy:** !!

 **jason:** look at u two bonding how sweet :')

 **nadia:** im going to punch you in the face

 **jason:** can you even reach my face lmao

 **nadia:** nvm im gonna kill you

 **peter:** IVY im ready

 **ivy:** PETER ok just come to my room then 

 **matt:** 12 year olds are weird and i don't get them

 **lucas:** its ok they probably think the same thing abt u

 **jason:** NJDNJFFDNJF

 **nadia:** LMAOOOOOOOO ROASTED

 **matt:** i hate all of you

 **peter:** no you dont or else u wouldnt still be in this gc duh

 **matt:** why did you use you and u in the same sentence

 **peter:** BC GRAMMAR AND SPELLING R NOT R E A L

 **lucas:** im going 2 become an fbi agent 

 **jason:** follow ur dreams lucas

 **matt:** sounds unlikely

 **lucas:** when im an fbi agent im gonna arrest u 4 insulting me :/

 **ivy:** we all Know matt wouldn't last in prison

 **lucas:** u right ivy u right

 **peter:** he a twink

 **matt:** i'm a what now

 **nadia:** PETER FUCKING SIMMONDS STOP IT RIGHT NOW

 **peter:** lol but am i WRONG

 **nadia:** .......

 **nadia:** no

 **jason:** hey matt go on urban dictonary and look up twink

 **matt:** okay?????

 **nadia:** whoooooooooo boy

 **matt:** wait but im straight

 **peter:** yeah but like..  thats still u !

 **lucas:** i figured out who the unsub was b4 the team hells yeah

 **ivy:** proof u should be an fbi agent

 **lucas:** thanks ivy

 **peter:**  why is it that every time i walk into a halloween city i dissociate 

 **nadia:** bc its not real my dude

 **ivy:** i just found a sexy pennywise costume

 **jason:** oh my God say it aint so

 **ivy:** check ur snap ncdjcndj

 **lucas:** u HAVE to buy it like theres no other choice

 **matt:** how do you make pennywise sexy???

 **peter:** i mean some ppl wanted to fuck him after seeing It so i dont think its that hard 2 make him sexy

 **matt:** i need to pray for 15 hours after reading that

 **jason:** matt is the [boy who says hooty hoo](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/00/98/bf/0098bf3e8cf8b1643ae11e04bdc66326.jpg)

 **matt:** what

 **matt:** i've never

 **matt:** i've never said

 **matt:** hooty hoo

 **nadia:** i am proud 2 b ur sister

 **jason:** its a meme dad

 **lucas:** 'dad'

 **ivy:** i just got my costume and its a good one lads

 **matt:** do not call me dad

 **jason:** oh sorry father 

 **matt:** wow! i hate you

 **lucas:**  MOVING ON! whats your costume ivy

 **ivy:** louise from bobs burgers

 **nadia:** classic 

 **ivy:** thank u peter suggested it

 **peter:** what can i say im beautiful, smart, and have an amazing personality

 **nadia:** ......ya sure! definitely!

 **peter:**  hey nadia fuck u and ur sarcasm 

 **nadia:** woooooooooooow how rude

 **jason:** nadia u've been rude since u came out the womb 

 **nadia:** you got me there!

 **lucas:** i love JJ so much??????

 **peter:** are u talkin abt criminal minds

 **lucas:** yes 

 **peter:** have u seen s8-9 yet

 **lucas:** no im in the middle of s1

 **peter:** damn well wait till u meet my actual momther alex blake in s8

 **lucas:** ill try to remember that when i get there

 **ivy:** emily prentiss is my wife + we have 2 cats together

 **matt:** i have to play a game with my cousin and his friends?? also my phone is at 4% and idk the rules so please pray for me

 **peter:** lmoa have fun

 **lucas:** lmoa

 **peter:** no

 **nadia:** lmoa

 **ivy:** lmoa

 **ivy:** how does it feel when its done 2 u 

 **jason:** lmoa

 **peter:** i want a divorce

 **jason:** we?? arent?? married??

 **nadia:** YET u arent married yet

 **lucas:** what are the after hoco plans yall for next weekend

 **ivy:** can we go to a rave or smth

 **nadia:** y e s 

 **jason:** im down

 **peter:** sounds good 2 me

 **lucas:** okay ill find one but we'll need a ride 

 **jason:** we could use the church's van?

 **peter:** matt has the keys

 **lucas:** do you rly think he'd drive all of us tho

 **ivy:** ill ask him tmrrw i can be veeery convincing if ya kno what i mean

 **nadia:** and that shocking to none folks!


	4. hell 0.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where plans are discussed, tanya is added to the group, and they all get ready for a night out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote all of this on my phone instead of doing my ap world history outline 
> 
> anyways idk if any of you care abt or watch voltron but s4 just got released this past friday and i am.. feeling a lot of emotions so sorry if this isn’t good at all or funny my brain is 95% voltron rn 
> 
> comments are appreciated! if you have anything you want to see in future chapters pls comment them!!

_[1:37p in ‘sup heteros’]_

**jason:** why is it called greek yogurt if it’s not from greece  
****

**nadia:** what the fuck  
****

**peter:** google said bc it’s strained yogurt similar to straggisto from greece  
****

**jason:** oh  
****

**peter:** why are you even asking  
****

**jason:**  diane lee is eating greek yogurt and i was curious  
****

**ivy:** our plans for tonight still stand right?  
****

**peter:** yes  
****

**ivy:** i’m excited

 **nadia:** can we get brunch the next morning since you guys will be fucked up

 **jason:** we have mass sis

 **nadia:** afterwards??? bro

 **lucas:** when is the pep assembly supposed to start

 **ivy:** idk i’m assuming like 1:50

 **matt:** why are you guys texting so much during class

 **nadia:** welcome to the 21st century matthew! people use their phones all the time

 **peter:** bc we’re not doing anything in class and i like talking to my friends?? what type of question is that

 **matt:** were in the same class right now and we’re taking notes  
****

**peter:** notes that are online and i can copy down later

 **lucas:** mic drop

 **jason:** hey lucas is tanya coming w us

 **lucas:** yeah  
****

**peter:** why did i not add her to this chat damn hold on

 _[peter added tanya to ‘sup heteros’]_  
****

**nadia:** welcome to hell

 **jason:** hey! this is better than hell so like.. hell 0.5

 **tanya:** thanks! i hate it

 **ivy:** that’s the funniest sentence ever  
****

**matt:** what time would we even have to leave tonight

 **tanya:** ... oh matt’s in here

 **nadia:** oh now that’s a MOOD  
****

**lucas:** like.. 9:30?

 **matt:** okay

 **matt:** i’m just gonna ignore that comment

 **jason:** me whenever a girl thinks i’m straight and talks to me

 **peter:** so like every day?

 **ivy:** djjejdkekdkke

 **tanya:** i can’t believe i thought u were straight... i’m so sorry

 **nadia:** we were all Fools

 **lucas:** we still are

 **peter:** i mean.. you aren’t wrong

 **ivy:** where do y’all want to meet up to sit together

 **matt:** top track by the last door to get upstairs

 **jason:** cool cool cool

 **tanya:** why did you say it three times

 **jason:** emphasis why else

 **peter:** cool to the power of 3

 **nadia:** to get back to a single cool you need to take the cube root of cool^3

 **lucas:** my brain hurts stop this algebra talk

 **peter:** lmaooooo ok

 **nadia:** whenever y’all get here i’m at the door waiting

 **jason:** i’m coming w peter and matt rn

 **tanya:** i have 2 take pics for the yearbook

 **lucas:**  ivy and i are here 

 **nadia:** i forgot u were in yearbook

 **tanya:** i used to hate it but i get to miss so many classes to take pictures for spirit week and other shit lmao so it’s ok

 **peter:** wtf goals

 **jason:** ok were all just standing here on our phones can we go sit down now

 **nadia:**  ya sure

_[8:43p in ‘sup heteros’]_

**jason:** hey matt come to my room

 **matt:** why

 **jason:** you’re probably dressed up too much and need to look more casual

 **matt:** you haven’t even seen me  


**jason:** i don’t have to see you i know i’m right

 **tanya:** you are Such a virgo it’s amazing

 **jason:** lmao i know

 **matt:** whatever i’ll be over in 2

 **peter:** i can’t wait 2 die tonight

 **nadia:** ....

 **peter:** of fun!

 **nadia:** me abt peter after tonight: ‘i love my dead gay son’

 **peter:** !!!!

 **ivy:** hey nadia are u in the room rn

 **nadia:** no

 **ivy:** oh nvm then

 **nadia:** lol no i am why

 **ivy:** can you grab the blue skirt that’s in my closet and put it on my bed

 **nadia:** no

 **ivy:** please

 **nadia:** no x2

 **ivy:** nadiiiiiiiaaaaaa

 **nadia:** hmmmm no

 **ivy:** nnnnnaaaaddddiiiiaaaaaa

 **nadia:** i’ll do it if you stop

 **ivy:** thank you!  <3

 **nadia:** that heart is still ugly

 **tanya:** friendship

 **jason:** bonding moment 3.0

 **nadia:** i despise all of you

 **lucas:** stop being emo for 2 minutes pls

 **nadia:** i’m not emo???? what the fuck

 **jason:** sure

 **nadia:** i should’ve ate you in the womb

 **peter:** LMAOOOO

 **jason:** too little 2 late

 **matt:** why did you use too and 2 in the same sentence for the same word

 **jason:** bc i can that’s why

 **tanya:** jason what’s your moon sign and ur rising sign

 **jason:** i have no clue

 **nadia:** wait tanya ur into astrology

 **tanya:** yea

 **matt:** can we talk about this later it’s 9:23

 **nadia:** my good sir, u are a buzzkill

 **lucas:** yeah we should start to leave

 **nadia:** y’all have fun now be safe use protection

 **peter:** :((( you should come w us nadia

 **nadia:** no thanks i have other things i need to do

 **jason:** live a little

 **nadia:** tragically i live every day

 **jason:** “i’m not emo” she says

 **nadia:**  “fuck you” is what she also says

 **matt:** are you sure you don’t want to come

 **nadia:** positive! anyways i’m gonna go take a shower goodbye

 **matt:** okay well have a good night nadia

 **ivy:** let’s hope we can find this place

 **jason:** who is navigating matt

 **lucas:** uh peter is 

 **peter:** no i’m not 

 **tanya:** you’re the only one who can actually give directions and not get us lost 

 **peter:** i hate this family 

 **matt:** will you just get in so we can go 

 **peter:** calm down grandpa i’m coming


	5. galentines day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where the gang makes galentine's day plans and lucas gets suspicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for taking 4 months to update this..... i got rly uninspired w this and then junior year fckin killed me but im back on my bullshit so! heres a chap

_[7:56a in 'sup heteros']_

**nadia:** rise and shine bitches

 **peter:** good morning to you too nadia

 **nadia:** :))))

 **ivy:** its so early i feel dead

 **nadia:** you look it too

 **ivy:** its almost valentines day be nicer pls 

 **nadia:** no

 **ivy:** rude but fine

 **lucas:** hmm

 **ivy:** im going to bed again gn!!

 **matt:** its 8 am?

 **ivy:** g o o d n i g h t 

 **matt:** ....okay

 **tanya:** good morning!!! all of our ages combined is more than enough to be old enough to be dead

 **jason:** what the fuvk

 **lucas:** fuvk

 **peter:** fuvk

 **jason:** PERISH

 **tanya:** have you ever thought about that?

 **jason:** no???? why would i ever think about that????

 **tanya:** its interesting

 **lucas:** every morning i blow a kiss and wink @ my phone camera so the fbi man in my phone feels feels loved

 **peter:** oooooh thats GAY

 **lucas:** omg ur right

 **nadia:** whens someone gonna write a fanfic where the fbi man and the person who owns the device fall in love?

 **jason:** the tags on the fic: slow burn, angst, mutually pining, modern universe

 **peter:** djfhdifhdefhedif i hate yall

 **tanya:** it feels like we havent talked in months ive missed this

 **matt:** true tanya

 **peter:** times flies when ur having fun!!!!!!!!!!!

 **nadia:** miss me w that corny friendship shit

 **jason:** okay edgelord

 **nadia:** be gone thot

 **ivy:** i cant sleep bc my phone wont shut up so hi again

 **peter:** heyo ivy..o

 **ivy:** im going to ignore that :)

 **peter:** thanks

 **lucas:** is it a leap year this year

 **matt:** no

 **lucas:** darn

 **jason:** leap years are fake

 **jason:** science is a bitch

 **nadia:** huh wow! so are you

 **ivy:** its almost galentines day!

 **matt:** *valentines day

 **ivy:** i said what i said

 **matt:** what is galentines day

 **ivy:** its vday for friends

 **matt:** oh 

 **ivy:** and were all gonna celebrate it whether yall like it or not!!!!!

 **tanya:** yes!!! 

 **lucas:** what are we gonna do

 **peter:** be gay but in a platonic way w each other

 **nadia:** i dont think you and jason can do anything platonically w each other but ok

 **jason:** true but irrelevant

 **jason:** before we make galentines day plans im changing the gc name

_[jason changed the group name to 'be still my beating meat']_

**ivy:** its what shakespeare would've wanted

 **lucas:** i love it 

 **peter:** shakespeare did not die for this

 **jason:** yes he did

 **nadia:** times like these remind me why its nice to be related to you

 **jason:** the disrespect is real my dudes

 **lucas:** my dudes

 **lucas:** u sound like a frat boy from alpha sigma phi who goes to ucla

 **jason:** that is so specific 

 **nadia:** hes right though

 **jason:** fuck u both

 **ivy:** are you guys done like is this over

 **lucas:** ya

 **ivy:** cool! so do yall wanna do a potluck and watch bad horror movies?

 **nadia:** YES CAN WE WATCH ORGY OF THE DEAD

 **tanya:** also microwave massacre

 **jason:** not a horror movie but can we watch space jam

 **lucas:** sure it falls under the bad part of bad horror movie

 **matt:** i've never seen space jam

 **ivy:** really?

 **tanya:** not shocked tbh

 **matt:** yeah and what does that mean tanya

 **tanya:** you look like you kinda just ate saltine crackers in a room watching paint dry for 18 years 

 **lucas:** SO TRUE

 **peter:** yeah i see it 

 **matt:** what... what the hell

 **jason:** accurate description of matt

 **nadia:** thats the funniest thing ive ever heard LMAOOOO

 **ivy:** tanya u just murdered matt rip

 **peter:** rip = rest in piss

 **jason:** aw thats just piss poor

 **peter:** dbejfbhefhujfhdu

 **nadia:** idk what yall gays are talking about so im gonna assume thats an inside joke

 **peter:** ur right

 **ivy:** moving on

 **ivy:** do you guys wanna do it on saturday?

 **tanya:** thats fine w me

 **lucas:** yeah

 **peter:** yes!!!!

 **jason:** ya

 **nadia:** i feel like i don't need to say yes at this point, but yes

 **matt:** sure

 **ivy:** LIT

 **nadia:** 2015 called they want their terminology back

 **ivy:** 2004 called they want their emoness back

 **jason:** HDJKSHDJSDGBDJEFHJDFGEIHIED YOU JUST KILLED MY SISTER

 **peter:** peter called he just wants u two to be kind to each other :(

 **nadia:** ivy im changing the lock to our door and not giving u a key xoxo

 **ivy:** i got u coffee on my run out for bfast

 **nadia:** nvm

 **ivy:** <3

 **nadia:** no thats ugly

 **jason:** gay

 **lucas:** y'all are a funky pair

 **matt:** agreed

 **ivy:** what ever do you mean

 **lucas:** you two 'fight' all the time.. but like dont ever mean it and do super nice + cute shit for each other all the time

 **nadia:** this is going to shock you but... its called friendship and joking around together

 **ivy:** ya 

 **peter:** eyes emoji

 **ivy:** w h a t

 **ivy:** you guys look into things way too much sdjsdhedhe no more x files marathons

 **jason:** this just got weird so uhh... gravity is crazy

 **tanya:** gravity... is crazy?

 **jason:** idk how else to change convo topics smoothly and ive been googling space stuff for the past half hour

 **tanya:** so you went with gravity is crazy

 **jason:** yes? should i not have

 **tanya:** .... never mind

 **peter:** wow that was a trainwreck

 **matt:** have any of you started the sociology research paper?

 **nadia:** ALL OF THESE TOPIC CONVOS SUCK AND I REFUSE TO TAKE PART IN THEM

 **nadia:** HERES A BETTER ONE: IS WATER WET

 **ivy:** NO! NOT THIS AGAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed this!!!!! 
> 
> ill try not to take 4 months to update again lmao
> 
> \+ happy (belated) galentines & valentines day to you all!


	6. you can get drunk on mouth wash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all on spring break and it's 3 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for how weird these last two chapters have been but also i dont bc i think theyre funny as fuck sjdjihjsdjdsh

_[3:13a in 'be still my beating meat']_

**ivy:** hey gays and matt

 **ivy:** any of y'all up

 **matt:** hi ivy

 **ivy:** matt? up past 12 am? what is this?

 **lucas:** hewwo

 **peter:** lucas....

 **lucas:** owo

 **peter:** buddy... please... stop you're scaring the baby

 **matt:** baby? what baby

 **peter:** me

 **nadia:** @ lucas perish

 **lucas:** red eyes

 **lucas:** furry

 **lucas:** death

 **peter:** way to break down that meme

 **nadia:** obama called... he wants you to perish

 **ivy:** omg

 **tanya:** why are any of you awake

 **nadia:** why are You awake

 **tanya:** i asked you first

 **nadia:** i asked you second

 **tanya:** fine

 **nadia:** cool

 **tanya:** right

 **nadia:** totally

 **matt:** why just why

 **peter:** whips so hard i die

 **peter:** i miss jason

 **nadia:** spring break has only been a day long

 **nadia:** not even bc the night is still going on

 **lucas:** ok like you don't miss ivy

 **nadia:** ??? i dont 

 **ivy:** wow i miss you but fine

 **nadia:** oh

 **nadia:** ok i miss you a bit

 **lucas:** SIDE EYE EMOJIS

 **nadia:** eat a dick

 **lucas:** yum 

 **peter:** uhhhhh 1 day is long enough for me to be sad and gay 

 **matt:** how are you going to survive 2 weeks 

 **peter:** IM N O T THANKS FOR BRINGIG IT UP MATTHEW 

 **peter:** being home is so boring???? 

 **peter:** school is worse tho

 **tanya:** yeah but i've missed my bed and my cat

 **ivy:** you have a cat?

 **tanya:** yeah her name is willow and shes the cutest

 **ivy:** PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS 

 **tanya:** brb

 **tanya:** check your snap ivy xoxo

 **ivy:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **nadia:** i'm gonna wake jason up and dare him to drink mouth wash

 **matt:** why

 **nadia:** bc i can

 **nadia:** don't question me

 **matt:** ....

 **peter:** he won't accept

 **nadia:** you say that now

 **lucas:** he's not dumb enough to drink mouth wash

 **lucas:** right

 **tanya:** i hope he accepts

 **matt:** that's weird

 **tanya:** you're weird

 **ivy:** nadia let him sleep

 **nadia:** how about no

 **nadia:** OMGNDFFHDFHNJ 

 **peter:** i hope that doesn't mean what i think it means

 **lucas:** i think it does 

 **ivy:** your fav is problematic: jason mcconnell

\- drinks mouth wash

 **jason:** sup dudes just drank 2 caps full of mouth wash lol

 **nadia:** i'm legit crying rn

 **lucas:** emos never cry

 **nadia:** i will set 1 sock from each pair you own on fire 

 **tanya:** mafia i love you

 **nadia:** mafia....

 **tanya:** oh *nadia

 **ivy:** i too, love the mafia

 **matt:** lucas i see what you mean now

 **lucas:** right right

 **ivy:** what

 **lucas:** nothing carry on being beautiful and unattainable 

 **ivy:** .....okay

 **jason:** omg did you guys know you could get drunk on mouth wash

 **peter:** what the fuck is going on tonight 

 **jason:** peterrrrr i miss you

 **peter:** [me](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/21/d2/ab/21d2ab4aa2f79969dd2cd2e65a3c4bf3.jpg) after reading that 

 **nadia:** pure

 **nadia:** almost as pure as jasons breath after drinking mouth wash

 **jason** : yeah why did you dare me to do that

 **nadia:** got bored

 **jason:** valid

 **nadia:** ty

 **matt:** you two are weird

 **lucas:** you can't call anyone weird you're straight

 **matt:** so are you?

 **lucas:** NO????? NEVER

 **lucas:** ME? STRAIGHT? A HETEROSEXUAL?

 **lucas:** i'm PAN pls don't do this to me 

 **nadia:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **matt:** you never told me

 **lucas:** just feel like i give off a not straight vibe

 **matt:** okay then

 **ivy:** its ok we've all been the fool before matt

 **tanya:** we're all fools 

 **lucas:** once a fool always a fool

 **nadia:** can't ever evolve from being a fool

 **lucas:** i'm kin with being a dumbass

 **lucas:** no doubles uwu

 **nadia:** hey lucas?

 **lucas:** yes :3

 **nadia:** i hope you have a great night :)

 **lucas:** BHDHSDU WHY WAS THAT SCARIER THAN A THREAT

 **peter:** nadia i fuckin love u 

 **nadia:** thanks

 **peter:** wtf th fuck

 **nadia:** jkjk i love you too

 **peter:** pic of the chihuahua cryin

 **ivy:** i want to see love simon so badly

 **tanya:** we should see it once we get back from sb together!

 **jason:** agreed

 **nadia:** oh can i confess something to you guys

 **lucas:** ..... YES 

 **peter:** yes queen i love and support u 

 **matt:** go ahead

 **tanya:** yesss girl 

 **jason:** obvi u dumbass

 **jason:** wait do i know already.....

 **nadia:** oh well this is awk

 **nadia:** i was just gonna say i miss big time rush

 **matt:** oh my god

 **lucas:** you listen to btr???

 **nadia:** duh im not an idiot

 **ivy:** OMG THEIR TV SHOW WAS SO FUNNY

 **ivy:** we should rewatch it together!!!

 **tanya:** quick question: were all seeing this right?

 **peter:** yeah

 **lucas:** omfg finally yes 

 **matt:** yeah

 **jason:** let the record show that nadia iSDUJHDUGHGINGUJ

 **jason:** SHE PUSHED ME OFF HER BED

 **matt:** why are you in her bed

 **jason:** BC SHES MY BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO HANG OUT W HER 

 **jason:** BUT SHES M E A N 

 **nadia:** shut up you big baby

 **nadia:** i didnt even push you i kicked you

 **peter:** rip jason 

 **nadia:** not my fault you have paper bones

 **tanya:** wouldn't you also have paper bones

 **nadia:** no im hardcore

 **lucas:** you say ow whenever you lightly bump into something

 **nadia:** I'm Hardcore

 **peter:** you put bandaids over your papercuts bc "it hurts bitch fuck off"

 **nadia:** I Am Hardcore

 **ivy:** you told our bio teacher you couldnt go outside during the winter bc ur bones would crack at the cold

 **nadia:** I AM HARDCORE

 **nadia:** SAY ANYMORE REASONS AND 

 **nadia:** IDK WHAT ILL DO BUT WHEN I FIND A THREAT ITS OVER FOR YOU HOES

 **lucas:** nadia and jason remind me of that mario and luigi pic

 **peter:** bleeding love by leona lewis goes Hard

 **peter:** what pic

 **ivy:** omg i love that song peter

 **lucas:** [this one](https://78.media.tumblr.com/177b229a5bd57d74192c6a3da9b2108e/tumblr_nxmtkqWZty1u3mr7go1_500.jpg)

 **peter:** ivy ur my soulmate

 **peter:** THATS SO THEM

 **tanya:** You Will Get These Hands My Friend

 **jason:** wtf am i? chopped liver?

 **peter:** well you said it not me

 **nadia:** K.O. BY UR OWN BOYFRIEND 

 **lucas:** DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

 **tanya:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **ivy:** HOMEBOY GOT 3RD DEGREE BURNS FROM THAT 

 **jason:** i HATE you all

 **nadia:** false info

 **nadia:** hes smiling rn

 **jason:** dont make me expose you 

 **nadia:** u wanna go bro?

 **jason:** i will take your skin

 **nadia:** hm you could call that

 **nadia:** SKINky

 **ivy:** .....

 **ivy:** omg

 **peter:** NADIA SGUT UPNDNE

 **lucas:** theory: the mcconnell siblings are cryptids 

 **tanya:** theory confirmed

 **nadia:** my life goal is complete

 **matt:** that's your life goal?

 **nadia:** holy shit you're still awake

 **matt:** tragically

 **nadia:** but yeah it is

 **matt:** oh cool

 **nadia:** yep

 **matt:** congrats then i guess?

 **nadia:** um thanks

 **nadia:** okay this is weird

 **matt:** yeah i dont know where the others went

 **jason:** i just wanted to see you two have an awkward convo lmfao

 **lucas:** same 

 **tanya:** ditto

 **ivy:** im on facetime with peter rn + i love him just thought you all should know 

 **peter:** ivy is so pretty 

 **tanya:** TRUE

 **lucas:** agree

 **jason:** that is true

 **matt:** yeah

 **ivy:** aw thanks guys i love u!!!!!

 **jason:** wait

 **jason:** nadia :)????

 **nadia:** i will seriously throw you off the roof 

 **nadia:** but yeah she is pretty

 **ivy:** tyyyyy nadia

 **nadia:** yw

 **peter:** a power move is shakira making her oral fixation album cover look like eve from adam + eve

 **tanya:** its not actually named oral fixation 

 **tanya:** is it 

 **peter:** no it is

 **ivy:** thats a power move

 **nadia:** wtf is on that album

 **ivy:** hips dont lie

 **jason:** that songs almost as iconic as mr. brightside

 **lucas:** COMING OUT OF MT CAGE AND IVE BEEN DOING JUST FINE

 **nadia:** GOTTA GOTTA BE DOWN

 **lucas:** BECAUSE I WANT IT ALLL

 **nadia:** IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS

 **lucas:** HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS

 **nada:** IT WAS ONLY A KISS

 **lucas:** IT WAS ONLY A KISS

 **nadia:** I FUCKING LOVE THE KILLERS

 **jason:** emo

 **nadia:** prep

 **jason:** TAKE IT BACK 

 **nadia:** YOU TAKE IT BACK

 **jason:** MOM DIDNT RAISE A LIAR

 **nadia:** YEAH BUT SHE DID RAISE A PREP

 **jason:** STOP

 **nadia:** NO

 **jason:** YES

 **peter:** you 2 r children

 **jason:** NO

 **nadia:** NO

 **matt:** aren't you two in the same room

 **jason:** yeah

 **matt:** ?????

 **jason:** we cant argue out loud its 4:31am

 **nadia:** duh

 **matt:** right... im going to bed goodnight

 **lucas:** weak

 **lucas:** but good morning matthew

 **lucas:** mattuwu

 **nadia:** do you ever get tired of talking

 **nadia:** wheres tanya 

 **ivy:** i think she fell asleep

 **nadia:** ugh weak

 **peter:** never sleeping is gay culture

 **jason:** agree

 **nadia:**  btw jason are u sleeping in here 

 **jason:** no

 **jason:** actually yes

 **nadia:** wtf

 **jason:** itll be like when we were in 7th grade

 **ivy:** omg u guys had sleepovers in each others rooms in 7th grade how cute!!

 **nadia:** 7th grade was a terrible time but yeah okay

 **lucas:** middle school is the real forbidden fruit

 **peter:** true

 **ivy:** can i share a superior and correct opinion real quick

 **lucas:** proceed

 **ivy:** oops!... i did it again  > toxic

 **peter:** NO 

 **peter:** womanizer  > all britney songs

 **nadia:** both of you are wrong bc baby one more time is her best song

 **jason:** heres a hot take 

 **jason:** kesha  > britney

 **ivy:** VALID!!!!!!

 **peter:** why would you say something so controversial yet so brave 

 **lucas:** kesha is so good

 **nadia:** her voice in praying made me have my bi awakening 2.0

 **jason:** thats fair

 **ivy:** i just realized i have to babysit my neighbors tmrw omg gn

 **peter:** rip you tomorrow 

 **jason:** good morning ivy!

 **ivy:**  haha choke :)

 **lucas:** and then there were 4

 **peter:** final 4

 **jason:** nadia is lowkey falling asleep but dont tell her i told you

 **lucas:** i... what

 **lucas:** nvm

 **nadia:** fuck you stop hogging my comforter bitch

 **jason:** why are u so aggressive 

 **nadia:** why are u not so aggressive

 **jason:** touche

 **lucas:** ok so theres 3 now 

 **lucas:** 3 muskateers 

 **lucas:** idk how u spell it 

 **peter:** musketeers 

 **lucas:** sure

 **peter:** no thats how its spelled

 **lucas:** s u r e 

 **jason:** twilight was such a bad book and movie why was it so popular

 **peter:** idk

 **lucas:** it was bad but his skin was sparkly and that was cool

 **jason:** srsly lucas

 **peter:** why are we talking about twilight at 5 am

 **jason:** why wouldnt we be 

 **lucas:**  okay were doing this the right way

 **lucas:** have you guys heard of midnight sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nadia and jason having a close relationship and being bffs is my kink also i wrote this while listening to an "i miss the 00s" playlist 
> 
> hope you enjoyed! xoxox
> 
> comments n kudos are greatly appreciated !!


	7. are they... you know..... :3 nya?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break is over and the gang is struggling being back at school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was supposed to update this 2 weeks ago lol

_[11:19a in 'be still my beating meat']_

**jason:** we've been back at school for one (1) day and i already can't do this anymore

 **jason:** i forgot how to write 

 **peter:** you... forgot how to write in 2 weeks

 **jason:** i said what i said  

 **jason:** my notes look like shit pls show compassion and support in this hard time

 **peter:** o my bad 

 **peter:** im so sorry ur struggling babe :((( my pears + thots r w u

 **ivy:** your what

 **peter:** pears + thots

 **ivy:** hm.

 **peter:** problem :) miss ivy?

 **ivy:** none at all continue. h,mmmmmm

 **nadia:** hey y'all not to hashtag ruin ur morning but we have a latin pop quiz 

 **nadia:** and its an ORAL ONE

 **nadia:** nvm i just saw that hayley kiyoko's album is out so i no longer care

 **matt:** that was.... fast

 **nadia:** indeed

 **lucas:** hewwo call 911 im being murdered

 **peter:** no hes not 

 **lucas:** ur literally killing me rn??

 **peter:** i'm just trying to listen to the walmart yodeling boy in peace

 **lucas:** ur singing and dancing next to me 

 **peter:** consider this: i am gay and its good music 

 **ivy:** thats understandable carry on peter

 **peter:** ty queen  <3

 **tanya:** sweet daaaAaAaADY 

 **peter:** ugh extreme heart eyes 

 **tanya:**  i astral projected when i first heard that

 **peter:** ur valid 

 **tanya:** thank you 

 **jason:** wait expectations is out now

 **nadia:** YES

 **jason:** wow guess i'm going to have to abandon all work for today and listen to it on repeat

 **nadia:** melodrama 2.0 i see

 **matt:** today is terrible and i'm tired

 **peter:** r u ok

 **matt:** i just heard rory and alan talk about furries

 **ivy:** FURRIES

 **lucas:** are they... you know..... :3 nya?

 **nadia:** they're so brave for talking about furries in public

 **tanya:** i'd 360 no scope them if i heard that type of talk in my good catholic school

 **jason:** and here i thought lucas was the only furry we knew

 **jason:** TANYANDSDHSUJDH 

 **tanya:** it Has To Be Done

 **lucas:** I;\M NOT A FURRY? >/???????? 

 **peter:** yeah and matt isn't a twink

 **matt:** for the last time peter i'm not i told you this already

 **nadia:** don't call lucas a furry or i'll have to cut all contact off with him

 **jason:** kinda furryphobic sis

 **nadia:** i will pour purple gatorade in ur ears sir

 **tanya:** no use yellow gatorade

 **peter:** isn't that just pee

 **tanya:** nooooooo.....

 **peter:** oh haha

 **peter:** continue then

 **jason:** u touch my ears and i will have u tried for witchcraft

 **nadia:** this isn't the 1500s u bitch

 **ivy:** i saw goody mcconnell pouring gatorade in jasons ears!

 **matt:** weren't we talking about furries 

 **lucas:** i cant believ that u guys

 **lucas:** my own flesh and blood

 **matt:** none of us are related to you

 **lucas:** my last of kin on my will

 **lucas:** would accuse ME, THE BEST MAN  ON THIS PLANET WHO DOESNT DESERVE THIS

 **lucas:** of being a FURRY

 **peter:** it wasnt an accusation more of a statement of truth but go off

 **lucas:** IM OTN A FURRY FFHFIFRJIFRHIOG

 **nadia:** no matter how many times you say you aren't one it'll just convince me u are a furry in the closet

 **jason:** this is a safe space you can come out to us

 **lucas:** i am BAFFLED BY THIS CONVERSATION

 **lucas:** i am emotionally hurt now is this what u wanted u monsters

 **peter:** you're still the same lucas to me! being a furry doesn't change how i view you :)

 **ivy:** i genuinely can say i wholeheartedly hate this conversation rn

 **nadia:** i would like to let u all know that ivy sat down at our lunch table singing i ain't got rhythm from phineas and ferb

 **ivy:** don't judge me 

 **ivy:** phineas and ferb had great songs: agree or die

 **nadia:** agree

 **peter:** agree but can i die still

 **ivy:** no

 **peter:** fine

 **jason:** agree so hard

 **tanya:** squirrels in my pants was a bop

 **matt:** agree

 **lucas:** wait you watched that show

 **matt:** yes? this may be shocking to you but i had a childhood

 **lucas** : you just look like you spent your time watching paint dry while only eating saltine crackers for 18 years

 **matt:** you've known me since i was 12

 **lucas:** yeah

 **matt:** wow

 **peter:** fjhjhgfghfihj 

 **jason:**  my brain physically cant work today

 **nadia:** this week is pointless bc after today underclassmen have testing all week and we don't have classes

 **ivy:** i forgot about that

 **ivy:** wow

 **ivy:** i'm gonna cry

 **nadia:** update shes crying 

 **peter:** pics 

 **nadia:** check snap

 **jason:** lmfao mood ivy

 **tanya:** dennys is gross but i want it

 **lucas:** coney island

 **tanya:** ?

 **lucas:** is better 

 **tanya:** oh true i'm replacing my dennys craving with that

 **peter:** can we go tonight

 **jason:** what time is curfew

 **nadia:** uhhhhhh fuckin 11:15 i think

 **matt:** it is

 **jason:** kool we're going

 **peter:** did u just use kool

 **jason:** yeah 

 **peter:** thats hot

 **jason:** extremely you wanna see smth hotter

 **peter:** yes always

 **jason:** look at [this](https://lazlo319.itch.io/john-cena-vn)

 **peter:** hooooly shit boner material

 **matt:** what the fuck is that

 **jason:** john cena's sexy high school adventure

 **nadia:** im going to play it 

 **nadia:** #gaymer life

 **lucas:** theres a second one if you click on related games

 **ivy:** omg whoever made that is a legend

 **tanya:** i like how john cena is every character

 **matt:** that will give me nighmares

 **peter:** there are no nighmares in john cena's sexy high school adventure 

 **jason:** there is nothing

 **peter:** but

 **jason:** john

 **peter:** cena

 **nadia:** what sort of freaky twin bullshit 

 **peter:** no cursing john cena is watching

 **nadia:** thats terrifying

 **jason:** who needs dream daddy when you have john cena's high school adventure am i right boys

 **tanya:** you're wrong

 **jason:** am i right boys

 **lucas:** no?

 **jason:** am i right boys

 **matt:** you're very wrong

 **jason:** am i right boys

 **ivy:** yea ur right

 **jason:** knew it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was thinking of starting a sub series with this of individual convos or little moments between all of them, is this a terrible idea or no????????? idk man
> 
> also, lucas is a furry
> 
> comments n kudos are greatly appreciated! xoxo


	8. oh my god they were womb mates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where lucas ate a pot brownie mid day by mistake, ivy and nadia get froyo, jason just wants nadia to be nice, tanya is having a quarter life crisis, matt can't believe they're graduating, and peter is enjoying all of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m writing this after a long day of cleaning and my brain hurts 
> 
> it’s 11:02 pm lets see how many bad jokes i can pump out by midnight
> 
> ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!

_[2:56p in 'be still my beating meat']_

**ivy:** hey girlypops 

 **nadia:** we aren’t friends anymore

 **ivy:** :( 

 **nadia:** just how it is in this bitch of a world 

 **jason:** i miss victorious 

 **jason:** someone said chicago and i know they probably meant the city but all i can think about is trina’s one woman show 

 **nadia:** oooooo can we binge it 

 **jason:** this weekend 

 **matt:** this weekend what

 **jason:** binging victorious 

 **peter:** do u ever read up on the convo sir 

 **matt:** no

 **peter:** skwjdnwdkekdjedk 

 **lucas:** thats a power move matt 

 **lucas:** i read everything u fucks send it’s terrible 

 **nadia:** aw you do care  <3 

 **ivy:** so u can use hearts but when i do they’re ugly :/ 

 **nadia:** i’ll curse your first born 

 **ivy:** oh cool the heart meant nothing 

 **tanya:** im going through a quarter life crisis 

 **tanya:** and you want to know how i know this? 

 **peter:** share with the class please 

 **tanya:** i think seth meyers is hot and cant stop watching his late night show to see him

 **jason:** seth meyers.... sis isn’t he ancient

 **tanya:** he’s middle age

 **jason:** i mean... go off i guess

 **tanya:** thanks for the support

 **nadia:** i love seth meyers snl skits

 **nadia:** and i adore john mulaney so i get it

 **jason:** john mulaney is my dream man 

 **peter:** jason mcconnell bull question mark 

 **jason:** STOP

 **ivy:** peter i love u 

 **peter:** ivy i love u 

 **lucas:** i accidentally ate a pot brownie at lunch instead of a normal brownie and i am fucked up my dudes 

 **lucas:** stared at our school name on the wall for 10 minutes before diane asked me if i was ok 

 **nadia:** why the fuck would u eat that on a thursday afternoon  

 **lucas:** i haven’t kept track of the days of the week since january and at this point i’m too scared to attempt to try 

 **lucas:** plus time isn’t real? 

 **nadia:** oh true my bad 

 **ivy:** lmfao we just took these two personality tests in ap psych and well i’ll let jason explain it to you 

 **jason:** HOW IS MY EMOTIONAL STABILITY ON BOTH OF THESE SO LOW????

 **tanya:** how low ??? i got 70 and 3.2 on mine 

 **jason:** 2 and .8 :)

 **nadia:** ,,,,,,, hey jase u ok my good bro ? 

 **jason:** my emotional stability according to cattel’s 16 personality factors test is a .8 and u expect me to be ok

 **nadia:** eh i don’t rly expect anything at this point 

 **jason:** well that’s just. rude

 **nadia:** just how it is 4 us mcconnell gays 

 **jason:** oh word?

 **lucas:** i can’t feel my feet or nostrils

 **peter:** lucas skxkskdkskdkd 

 **peter:** this is so funny to me bc u lecture us on proper drug use each time we go out and......... look where u are now

 **tanya:** can you feel your nostrils on a normal day? wtf

 **lucas:** i can feel GOD and SATAN manifesting in my nostrils and making me not feel them :( 

 **ivy:** at times like these i forget we attend a catholic school 

 **ivy:** and then i remember and ask what happened to us 

 **nadia:** hey lucas how many fingers am i holding up 

 **lucas:** let me turn and ask the little man in ny pants 

 **jason:** DONT PULL YOUR DICK OUT DONT DO IT DONT TOUCH UR PANTS NO PENIS 

 **peter:** this is the most anti-dick i’ve heard you be since 10th grade 

 **jason:** i’m trying to save our dear friend sweetheart

 **peter:** that sentence sounds like it belongs in the 1960s 

 **jason:** dont judge my choice of vocabulary  

 **ivy:** lovers quarrel 

 **nadia:** wait lucas what little man 

 **lucas:** shhhhhhh he wants to oberthrwo you fiys

 **tanya:** your dick wants to murder us ? 

 **matt:** you could’ve phrased that better 

 **tanya:** wdym :-)

 **matt:** sighs 

 **peter:** ask the lil guy if he’s a demon 

 **jason:** don’t touch ur dick anymore 

 **lucas:** check ur snaps i sent a pic of the tiny man 

 **nadia:** can i just point out that IF if lucas is talking about his dick he’s been calling it small and tiny this whole time 

 **nadia:** well now comes the moment of truth i guess 

 **ivy:** LUCAS YOU CANT SEND UNWARRANTED DICK PICS

 **tanya:** were they unwarranted tho

 **ivy:** ITS DIFFERENT YOURE DATING HIM 

 **ivy:** wait it’s not his

 **nadia:** you have a fucking corn dog with googly eyes in your pants? 

 **peter:** KXOWKDOWOFOWODKWLKDLED

 **jason:** where’d you get the corn dog

 **matt:** where’d you find googly eyes

 **tanya:** the caption on the snapsjwkdiwkdjekdkek 

 **tanya:** “don’t look at him directly.... he’ll take u” 

 **ivy:** where is lucas 

 **lucas:** tis i 

 **lucas:** i’m astral projecting to the roaring 20s in a jazz bar in downtown chicago 

 **nadia:** specific i like it 

 **lucas:** thanks i’m a flapper

 **nadia:** and promiscuous even better

 **peter:** nadia harbors such chaotic energy have y’all ever noticed that 

 **jason:** chaotic bi 

 **nadia:** every day of my god damn life 

 **matt:** my soul is dying 

 **nadia:** edgelord

 **matt:** coming from our resident emo that means nothing 

 **nadia:** why i oughta 

 **ivy:** nadias been extra emo because of arctic monkeys new album

 **nadia:** never talk about me again i am not a real person

 **jason:** embrace who you are

 **nadia:** jokes on you i am nothing

 **peter:** *i am emo

 **nadia:** march 3 2028 4:46pm u will be sorry

 **peter:** IS THAT MY DEATH DATE

 **nadia:** mayhaps

 **jason:** pls dont kill him 

 **jason:** then i lose 2 people in my life and according to cattel's 16 personality factors my emotional stability is a .8 so i dont think i can handle that

 **ivy:** efjndjkfdjn you are more emotionally stable than the test let on!!!! im sure of it

 **jason:** hm sounds fake

 **lucas:** YEEHAW I AM ! ALIVE

 **peter:** o thank god thought u were the opposite of alive

 **matt:** so dead?

 **peter:** shhh hes high

 **lucas:** im actually average hiehght 

 **nadia:** #themoreyouknow

 **ivy:** nadia come get froyo with me

 **nadia:** what if im busy

 **ivy:** oh well we can wait i guess

 **nadia:** im free

 **ivy:** oh ok! well meet me at our room bc i have to change

 **peter:** why didnt u invite the rest of us

 **ivy:** i thought you all were still in classes?

 **tanya:** do you guys hang out a lot

 **lucas:** have fun on ur date girlies

 **nadia:** i'm sorry WHAT did you just say

 **nadia** : were roommates and take the same classes so yeah

 **ivy:** its not a date haha

 **peter** : we believe you

 **lucas:** ifu say so queen

 **lucas:** i wish i could make a tiny surfboard for my blood cells so they could ride the waves of my blood as it goes through my body

 **jason:** that was poetic 

 **lucas:** no that was me

 **jason:** i meant actually nvm

 **jason:** nadia if you dont bring me back froyo your moms a hoe

 **nadia:** we have the same mom

 **jason:** i said what i said

 **peter:** thats actually a cute date idea ngl (not that its a date bc u said it wasnt but still)

 **ivy:** ur right 

 **matt:** we actually graduate in 3 weeks

 **lucas:** strong urge to smash face in cake 

 **matt:** its hard to believe were almost adults!

 **peter:** JKFHEFJDFDJFB

 **nadia:** psa: ivy is playing one direction's discography on shuffle 

 **ivy:** i told you not to tell anyone and yet

 **nadia:** i thought you said tell them

 **ivy:** why would i say that

 **nadia:** i dont know why does anyone say anything ever

 **ivy:** pls dont get philosophical rn its only 3 pm

 **nadia:** FINE but i will later and you cant stop me

 **ivy:** okay

 **peter:** dont censor her

 **jason:** ppl say things because our brains have the complex ability to allow us to and our organs can function in a way to support it 

 **nadia:** ok bill nye

 **jason:** you ASKED

 **nadia:** but did i?

 **jason:** you cant be mean to me we shared a womb

 **nadia:** but this is me being mean to you still

 **jason:** we were womb mates 

 **lucas:** oh my god they were womb mates

 **ivy:** jdshfuidhfguihgfi

 **peter:** LUCAS NO

 **tanya:** lucas yes

 **matt:** yeah its definitely hard to believe were graduating..

 **tanya:** ive had a golden oreo sitting on my bed side table for 45 minutes because im too lazy to roll over and eat it

 **nadia:** ok mood

 **peter:** its almost pride month bitches

 **jason:** omg ur right

 **peter:** and im coming out to my mom ! whooooo

 **ivy:** REALLY?? THATS INCREDIBLE IM HAPPY FOR YOU

 **peter:** thanks!!! i feel like im gonna die

 **nadia:** peter !! i love you and hope everything goes well 

 **peter:** :') nadia my queen ilyt

 **peter:** u guys should come to my house when they have pride here in june so we all can go together!!

 **nadia:** im down

 **jason:** nadia we have to figure out an excuse

 **nadia:** we can say peter is inviting all of us over to hang out after graduation

 **jason:** valid ok

 **ivy:** that sounds so fun ok!!

 **ivy:** frozen yogurt is so good 

 **tanya:** ive never had it

 **ivy:** WHAAAT

 **tanya:** im lactose intolerant 

 **ivy:** oh ok 

 **ivy:** well its good

 **nadia** : were still listening to one direction rn

 **ivy:** all u want to listen to is lorde and arctic monkeys 

 **nadia:** just because youre right doesnt mean you have to say it

 **ivy:** sorry not sorry

 **peter:** what song

 **ivy:** midnight memories

 **peter:** interesting

 **ivy:** ur judgement means nothing to me 

 **jason:** ivy give me your self esteem

 **ivy:** ok king u can take it

 **jason:** thanks 

 **lucas:** MARIO AND WARIO? WHY ARE THEY NOT BROTHERS THEY HAVE THE SAME NAME

 **peter:** i thought you were asleep 

 **lucas:** HOW CAN I SLEEP WHEN HE IS HERE

 **peter:** what the fuck who the fuck is he

 **lucas:** JESUS CHRIST

 **lucas:** HE SAID TO ME "MOM SAID ITS MY TURN ON THE XBOX" AND WONT LEAVE MY ROOM

 **jason:** oh my fuckin God fndjfnjnbfjkdb

 **lucas:** HES STANDING IN A T POSE TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE 

 **tanya:** oh! thats my favorite scripture from the bible!

 **peter:** nooooondifdifhdskjfhdkfhd

 **lucas:** hey dumbasses

 **lucas** : made another mistakelke the first

 **nadia:** you are a man made of faults

 **lucas** : thank you

 **nadia:** it was an insult

 **lucas:** oh :(

 **lucas:** that man has no nose

 **ivy:** stop sending cryptic things i cant take the suspense

 **jason:** IVYDBSJDJFBJ 

 **tanya:** i walked into lucas' room and he turned his desk chair upside down to sit on it??

 **jason:** king of innovation

 **lucas:** thank you jason i shall knight you

 **jason:** are you royalty now

 **lucas:** have i not been this whole time?

 **jason:** fair point my bad

 **peter:** can i be a knight too

 **lucas:** you my good sir are a twink

 **nadia:** LMFAOOOOOOOO

 **nadia:** the fact that hes high out of his mind and STILL REMEMBERS YOURE A TWINK

 **peter:** can i be a duke then :/

 **lucas:** idk wtf that is so sure lol

 **peter:** its in the

 **peter:** actually ill stop

 **ivy:** im a queen obvi

 **tanya:** we know this and love you

 **ivy:** !!

 **nadia:** what am i 

 **ivy:** a queen duh

 **nadia:** ok

 **jason:** not to flex on you hoes but im a knight

 **matt:** i am not engaging in this convo

 **peter:** if im a duke then so is matt 

 **matt:** did my message mean nothing to you

 **peter:** were being friends

 **lucas:** now thats what i call friendship

 **tanya:** i call being crazy village lady

 **nadia:** fitting role

 **tanya:** its the role of a lifetime my dude

 **nadia:** right right

 **jason:** why am i the valedictorian when im a dumbass

 **ivy:** bc were all dumbasses but worse

 **jason:** well

 **jason:** ok

 **peter:**  lemonade mouth had no right making their soundtrack that good

 **nadia:** why are u listening to that

 **peter:** i am a man of culture

 **tanya:**  determinate was a Bop

 **peter:**  dont ya wish u were us .. so good

 **jason:** listen to the starstruck soundtrack next

 **peter:** ok

 **jason:** thanks love u 

 **peter:** love you too

 **lucas:** my dads

 **ivy:** questionable but go on

 **lucas:** ur my mom

 **lucas:** momma bird who spits chewed up food into my baby bird mouth :)

 **ivy:** right

 **ivy:** totally

 **nadia:** birds are fucking weird

 **jason:** no they arent stop bullying birds

 **nadia:** yes they are u cant stop me

 **jason:** birds are normal 

 **nadia:** nothing in this world is normal

 **jason:** stop

 **nadia:** what does that word even mean? what does anything even mean? language is a completely man-made concept how can people just decide what means what and make it fact 

 **jason:** [kim theres people that are dying](https://media.giphy.com/media/YtSxjkEBBWsjm/giphy.gif)

 **nadia:** I HATE U SM

 **jason:** :)

 **ivy:** sibling love!!!

 **nadia:** no

 **ivy:** yes ?

 **nadia:** no

 **peter:** ok but kim k crying is so fuckin funny 

 **peter:** why she look like that

 **tanya:** all the kardashians have funny crying faces

 **tanya:** my fav is kris 

 **ivy:** i like kylies 

 **nadia:** kim is a classic tho

 **lucas:** always stick with the classic lads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes i’m actually experiencing what tanya is going through and let me tell you.... seth meyers is lowkey hot and funny as fuck ://
> 
>  are ivy and nadia dating??? are they hardcore pining??? who even knows!!! 
> 
> comments n kudos r appreciated xoxo!!


	9. hot girls we have problems too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They graduated, 'Hot Girls' is discussed, and some jokes are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhh sup yall whats poppin??? ive been. Super rough but i decided i want to go to law school so #gome ig 
> 
> oh and my laptop is broken so if this looks like trash blame it on that

_[9:18p in 'be still my beating meat']_

**peter:** HELLO FELLOW GRADUATES

 **ivy:** HELLO FELLOW GRADUATE

 **peter:** HOW DO YOU DO FELLOW GRADUATE?

 **nadia:** shut the fuck up

 **nadia:** fellow graduate :)

 **jason:** we graduated....

 **jason:** this is so sad alexa play despacito

 **lucas:** bold of you to assume it wasnt playing already

 **matt:** it doesnt feel like we graduated

 **tanya:** i haven't felt anything since the summer of 69

 **ivy:** are you immortal

 **tanya:** thats classified information

 **ivy:** oh 

 **ivy:** i can keep a secret tho

 **tanya:** okay i'll tell you: i'm immortal and here to steal your soul

 **jason:** if i didnt know tanya i would believe her

 **peter:** ???? i know her and still believe her

 **nadia:** its bc youre a baby

 **peter:** not everyone can be goth 

 **nadia:** i can make you over into a goth girl

 **peter:** wait legit

 **nadia:** yeah we just have to buy a wig i have the makeup

 **peter:** holy fuck okay

 **lucas:** peter do drag

 **peter:**  who do you think i am 

 **lucas:**  ok jason do drag

 **jason:** why dont U do drag

 **lucas:** you got me there

 **tanya:** nadia can i help you transform peter

 **nadia:** ofc 

 **nadia:** ivy do u also want to come

 **ivy:** yeah

 **nadia:** cool

 **lucas:** okay not to #drag ivy

 **lucas:** but does anyone else feel like she would be in [hot problems](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQHx_GPKccY)

 **peter:** in what

 **lucas:** look up hot problems double take

 **peter:** brb

 **jason:** LUCAS STOP 

 **nadia:** BNRFJDHFDJ why'd u just come for IVYS NECK like that

 **ivy:** rude 

 **ivy:** this is what they meant by hot girls we have problems too :(

 **tanya:** ivy i love you

 **ivy:** mwah i love you too!!

 **peter:** that was the worst song ive ever heard in my life

 **peter:** but i agree

 **ivy:** im? hurt 

 **matt:** where are those girls today

 **nadia:**  What's Their Story

 **lucas:** oh apparently they live normal lives now frnejfnr

 **peter:** kinda a let down after hot problems :/

 **nadia:** they did say they were just like us except they're hot

 **jason:** ivy is that how u think

 **ivy:** jason is that how u think

 **jason:** no

 **jason:** wait

 **lucas:** jason dont deny your hotness 

 **tanya:** jason and nadia are both hot

 **nadia:** excuse me what

 **tanya:** you heard me

 **peter:** shes right 

 **nadia:** ?????? thank you

 **ivy:** i agree tanya but i raise you a better point

 **ivy:** were all hot

 **matt:** what is this conversation right now

 **lucas:** matt you're hot too dont worry

 **matt:** i wasnt worried

 **lucas:** i want to get high but nadia and ivy aren't here

 **ivy:** aw do u miss us 

 **nadia:** its been an honor smoking with you boys

 **jason:** nadia where are you

 **nadia:** the living room??

 **jason:** oh why arent you in your room

 **nadia:** are you in my room

 **jason:** no im outside of it

 **nadia:** get out of my room

 **jason:** im not in it

 **jason:** im outside of it

 **peter:** children please

 **lucas:** hey guys my bones hurt

 **nadia:** Its Time Lucas.

 **nadia:** and your breath is getting in it and i dont want it there

 **jason:** rude

 **peter:** nadia can i breathe in your room

 **nadia:** depends

 **peter:** what the fuck does that mean

 **ivy:** love our neighborhood emo

 **nadia:** jason s2 of queer eye is out

 **jason:** thank GOD can we watch it tonight

 **lucas:** i want the fab 5 to come and just fix my whole life

 **tanya:** someone nominate matt

 **ivy:** KDNFJKDNFJF

 **nadia:** ...... who is gonna nominate him

 **peter:** none of us live in the south

 **nadia:** matt lives in georgia 

 **peter:** its meant to be 

 **matt:** whats queer eye

 **ivy:** its a makeover show but its done by gay men

 **ivy:** and its rly funny n cute and emotional

 **matt:** i dont think i need a makeover

 **tanya:** and i never thought i'd go to space

 **matt:** you haven't gone to space

 **tanya:** you don't know that

 **ivy:** hm thats terrifying 

 **peter:** do you guys think its hard to get into nasa

 **matt:** obviously

 **peter:** ok 

 **peter:** follow up question: do u have to be smart to be an astronaut 

 **matt:** yes?

 **peter:** hm

 **peter:** dont believe you brb

 **lucas:** peter youre an astronaut in my heart

 **peter:** gay and i found a quiz abt if youre smart enough to be a nasa astronaut 

 **nadia:** if you fail the universe will explode

 **nadia:** no pressure :)

 **peter:** the power of guessing got me 4/7

 **tanya:** scholastic king 

 **peter:** i just wanna eat pringles in space

 **lucas:** THAT SOUNDS SO DOPE

 **peter:** but im DUMB 

 **ivy:** aren't we all

 **jason:** have the Gays been to space

 **tanya:** i looked it up and the second link i saw was titled "space, the final frontier of homosexuality"

 **tanya:** thats so fucking funny someone ACTUALLY wrote that

 **matt:** i'm assuming at least one person who has been to space has been lgbt 

 **peter:** space is SEXY i wanna go 

 **lucas:** r u 

 **lucas:** spacesexual

 **peter:** i sure am.gif

 **lucas:** :) i support u

 **nadia:** space has big dick energy 

 **nadia:** WAIT i too have big dick energy

 **ivy:** i have small dick energy :/

 **lucas:** i have a dick

 **jason:** so insightful so deep

 **jason:** and we all have big dick energy #facts

 **tanya:** ..........sure

 **peter:** i have small dick energy and i am proud to say that !

 **nadia:** well. you shouldnt be but carry on

 **peter:** dickphobic of u to say

 **lucas:** matt has big dick energy

 **matt:** thanks lucas

 **lucas:** anytime u funky lil cowboy 

 **ivy:** no i took the [buzzfeed quiz](https://www.buzzfeed.com/sydrobinson1/do-you-have-big-dick-energy?utm_term=.unBDBg0e6p#.pjVz9qyEOn) and i have small dick energy

 **tanya:** my dick energy is in the astral plane 

 **peter:** tanya i fuckin love u 

 **tanya:** i know

 **jason:** wait im gonna take it

 **peter:** place ur bets now mine is: average

 **nadia:** small

 **lucas:** big

 **ivy:** small

 **tanya:** none

 **matt:**  big 

 **peter:** cool winner gets nothing djbjds

 **nadia:** fake

 **jason:** first of all. nadia ivy and tanya u r dead to me

 **jason:** and i got average

 **nadia:** you were dead to me first so take THAT 

 **ivy:** dnjsnbfjkbn TANYA RLY SAID NONE....

 **tanya:** whoops

 **peter:** THATS MY BABY W HIS AVERAGE DICK ENERGY

 **matt:** is that something you really want to brag about?

 **lucas:** NBDEHDFHRJSBDU

 **nadia:** OHHHHHHHHHMY GOD

 **tanya:** lmfaooooo matt wasnt holding back

 **peter:** not all of us can have bde :(

 **matt:** sounds rough 

 **peter:** tis terrible

 **ivy:** tis?

 **nadia:** no one knows what youre saying grandpa 

 **peter:** nadia darklord666 mcconnell watch ur tone

 **tanya:** Darklord666

 **jason:** 100% can confirm that thats her middle name

 **nadia:** i will hex all of hoes

 **ivy:** oooo sounds hot 

 **nadia:** Good Grief Charlie Brown

 **lucas:** ivy has a witch kink #confirmed

 **ivy:** AND WHAT ABOUT IT?

 **tanya:** a witch kink oh my god

 **peter:** i miss one direction fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

 **lucas:** and if u dont wanna , take it slow and u just wanna take me home say

 **lucas:** yEaEaEeAEAEH

 **peter:** this guy gets it

 **ivy:** accept one direction is dead and move on like the rest of us 

 **nadia:** yall listen to one direction? cant relate

 **jason:** u listen to big time rush

 **nadia:** say goodbye to your eyebrows tonight

 **jason:** nfdjbfjdkfbdjfnbdej 911!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **matt:** 911 blocked you

 **tanya:** good for them! its what they deserve!

 **jason:** ://///// 

 **nadia:** i kind of want crocs?

 **ivy:** same!!! we should get matching ones 

 **lucas:** thats gay

 **ivy:** Yes

 **peter:** wait can i join in on the croc gang

 **jason:** CROC NATION

 **nadia:** sure but i want black ones

 **matt:** pretends to be shocked

 **nadia** : die 

 **ivy:** im ok w black :))

 **peter:** i want yellow or baby blue tho

 **jason:** wait can we get yellow @peter

 **peter:** yes omg 

 **nadia:** so yall just gonna leave us like that

 **ivy:** its ok! LETS GO LESBIANS

 **nadia:** dbfjd right right

 **peter:** lets go twinks

 **lucas:** matt u gotta go w peter

 **matt:** for the last time i'm NOT a twink

 **lucas:** bro stop fighting it

 **jason:** you're a twink

 **matt:** i hate this family 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive had this written since june and completely forgot ab it until now, so enjoy or whtvr mwah love u all
> 
> see yall next chap! <3 (might b next month or next millennia idk!)

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes this is the second gc fic im writing but lbr bare needed one of these fics, so here it is


End file.
